This Web site is a component of the SAMHSA Health Information Network.

DOs and DON’Ts for a Young Person with an Alcoholic Parent

One in Four youths is exposed to family alcoholism or alcohol abuse. You need and deserve the support of all adults in the community who can help you.

DO talk about how you feel. You can talk with the safe people in your life - maybe a close friend, relative, school counselor, teacher, minister, or others. Sharing your feelings is not being mean to your family. When you talk to someone, you might feel less alone. Talking to someone about your feelings can help you feel less alone.

DO try to get involved in doing enjoyable things at school or near where you live—the school band, softball, Boy or Girl Scouts, or others. Doing these types of activities can help you forget about the problems at home, at least for a while, and you can learn new things about yourself and about how other people live their lives.

DO remember that feeling sad, afraid and alone is a normal way to feel when you live with alcoholic or drug-using parents. It’s confusing to hate the disease of addiction at the same time that you love your parent. All people have confusing feelings, like having two different feelings at the same time. This is the way many kids feel about alcoholic or drug abusing parents.

DO remember to have fun! Sometimes children with addiction in their families worry so much that they forget how to be “just a kid.” If things are bad at home, you might not have anyone who will help you have fun there, but don’t let that stop you. Find a way to let yourself have fun.

DON’T ride in a car when the driver has been drinking if you can avoid it. It is not safe. Walk or try to get a ride with an adult friend who has not been drinking. If your parents are going out to drink somewhere, try not to go with them. If you must get in a car with a drinking driver, sit in the back seat in the middle. Lock your door. Put on your safety belt. Remove heavy items from the ledge behind your seat. Try to stay calm.

DON’T think that because your parent has the disease of alcoholism that you will too. Most children of alcoholics do not become alcoholic themselves. While alcoholism does run in families, you can’t get the disease if you don’t drink.

DON’T pour out or try to water down your parent’s alcohol. The plain fact is that it won’t work. You have no control over the drinking. You didn’t make the problem start, and you can’t make it stop. It is up to your parent to get treatment and to recover. What your parent does is not your fault or your responsibility.