Establish and Maintain Good
Communication With Your Child

Get into the habit of talking with your child every day. Your child is an individual with hopes, fears, likes, dislikes, and special talents. The more you know about your child, the easier it will be to guide her toward more positive activities and friendships. As a result, your child will be less likely to experiment with alcohol, tobacco, or illegal drugs. Establishing a close relationship with your child now will make it easier for her to come to you when she has a problem.

It’s important not to be critical. Positive reinforcement and constructive support are more effective in influencing children’s behavior than criticism.

Action Steps to Good Communication

1. Take the Quick Quiz on the previous page. Ask your child what the answers are and let him lead you into a longer conversation. You can talk about one question a day or one a week. Think of other questions you can ask one another. Consider making the questions and conversations part of your daily routine.

2. Set aside a few minutes a day. Talk about problems or challenges that might have come up during the day and discuss how you handled them. You can ask your child for his ideas on simple matters to help him build problem-solving skills. These skills can help him resist peer pressure to use alcohol and drugs to solve problems.

3. Validate your child's feelings. Sometimes, children react to situations in ways we think are inappropriate, silly, or overdramatic. That’s because children don’t have the benefit of our adult experience. What is minor to us may be very important to them. For example, if your child says, “Mrs. Smith doesn’t like me. She gives me too much homework,” don’t dismiss your child by saying, “That's ridiculous. Everyone gets the same amount of homework.” Instead, validate your child's feelings, investigate the situation, and guide her toward a better understanding of the situation. “Oh, I wouldn't like it if I felt my teacher didn't like me. But does everybody get the same homework assignment?” If you’re not sure you have all the facts regarding a situation, assure your child you will take action, such as talking to Mrs. Smith. This lets your child know that you respect her feelings and are willing to help her work through difficult situations.

4. Practice active listening. When you show interest in what your child has to say, she will open up. One technique to show you're listening and understanding is to paraphrase what your child tells you. Try doing this the next time you have a conversation. For example, your child says, “I like playing soccer, but practice is the same time as my favorite show on TV.” You might say, “Wow, that's a tough choice. On one hand, you really like playing soccer; on the other hand, you don’t want to miss your favorite show.”

5. Ask questions. Children have a lot to share when they think their opinions matter. Ask for your child’s input about family decisions. These decisions may range from what to have for dinner to where to go for a family outing. Showing your interest in her opinion will make your child feel more comfortable about opening up to you.

If you are successful in establishing open lines of communication with your child about day-to-day events, he will be more likely to seek your input on more serious issues as well. Many of the skills you use in daily conversations may prove useful when discussing tougher issues. Here’s just one.

Example of Communication

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