Make Clear Rules and Enforce Them With Consistency and Appropriate Consequences

Would it surprise you to learn that parents’ permissiveness is a bigger factor in teenage drug use than is peer pressure? If you let your child know up front that you don’t approve of using tobacco or illegal drugs, or underage drinking, your child is less likely to use those substances.

Making rules, explaining the need for them, and enforcing them consistently are important. Parents need to establish regularly enforced rules to guide their children in developing daily habits of self-discipline. Research shows that parents who have either very harsh rules or no rules at all are more likely to have children who are at greater risk for drug-taking behavior. Parents who have a warm relationship with their children, while maintaining rules for behavior, can teach children self-discipline.

Action Steps To Make Clear Rules and Enforce Them With Consistency and Appropriate Consequences

1. Discuss your rules and expectations in advance. Let your child know the consequences of broken rules or unmet expectations. These rules can apply to schoolwork, chores, behavior at home, and behavior outside of home.

2. Follow through with the consequences you have established. If your child breaks the rules, it’s important to follow through with the consequences you discussed. If you don’t follow through, you send the message that your rules are not really important and that it’s okay to break them. Children really do want you to show you care enough to set limits and enforce them.

3. Acknowledge when they follow the rules. Catch your child “being good” and praise him for it. Take every opportunity to support your child’s decision to follow a rule or to meet or exceed your expectations. Positive reinforcement helps your child develop self-confidence and trust in his own judgment while seeing the benefit of following your rules.

4. Discuss why using tobacco and illegal drugs and underage drinking are not acceptable. Let your child know why you don’t want her to use drugs: you love her too much to ever want her to get hurt or get into trouble. Talk together about your family values. Remember, when a child decides whether to use alcohol, tobacco, or illegal drugs, a crucial consideration is, “What will my parents think?”

What Is an "Appropriate Consequence"?

Appropriate consequences will vary based on the age of your child, the seriousness of the situation, and your child’s personality. Here are a few examples that may help you establish your own guidelines.

Possible rewards for good behavior might be:

• Extra time on the computer
• Extra phone privileges
• One-half hour later bedtime (assuming it doesn't interfere with needed sleep)
• Having a friend over for dinner on a week night
• Having a friend stay overnight on a weekend
• Tickets to a concert or sports event
• More television viewing time

The opposites could be viewed as appropriate consequences for breaking rules:

• Less time on the computer
• Phone privileges taken away
• No later bedtime/earlier bedtime
• No friends over during the week
• No friends over during the weekend
• Tickets to a concert or sports event taken away
• Less time to watch television

When possible, try to relate the consequence you impose to the behavior they exhibit. For example, if you have established the rule that homework needs to be done before going out to play, a logical consequence of breaking the rule might be no outside play until the homework is finished.

Rules and Consequences

Keith and Seth's Story

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